3 Weeks of Misery

The Migraine Monster strikes again!! It has been 3 weeks of nausea and dizziness! On my scale I’ve been a 6-9 on the dizzy and nausea scale!! I keep thinking when will this all end everyday for the past 3 weeks!! It has been a rollercoaster ride. I've been great at keeping a cool head and just dealing with the situation at hand, however, that all ended yesterday! Yesterday, upon feeling like a 9 all around I didn’t want to go to therapy because I felt like I should save myself for tutoring later in the day! My mom made me and when I got upset on the car ride there (I’m not driving at the moment…too dizzy) she turned around and came back home. I slammed the car door, slammed the house door and scared the dog, then slammed my bedroom door. When I got sick of sitting there I got even more upset and took my keys to leave. I had to re-park my mom’s car first and in the process I hit it on a brick wall. I scarped up the back bumper! Then my mom took my purse and I threw the laundry on the ground and squashed a squash in the middle of the kitchen. When I got my purse back and took off. By now I was crying hysterically and ended up pulling over. On my very short drive I went from anger to fear in about 5 seconds. I was scared to come home and face the repercussions. I’m a 24-year-old woman throwing a tantrum and messed up my mom’s car! I’m very sorry for my actions and am paying for the car damage. However, the thing that worries me the most is I didn’t know how upset I was! The rage and frustration came out of nowhere! I guess I still have a lot of learning to do on my journey back to health.

My Sick Scale

This is my scale of how i feel. It has helped my family understand the severity of symptoms without a whole lot of talking. My doctors even get it! I hope this helps you!

0 = no symptoms
1 = slightly symptomatic
2 =
3 = Feeling bad but can still function on a normal level
4 =
5 = feeling bad but can still sit around and be somewhat pleasant
6 =
7 = Feeling bad but not horrible
8 = Feeling horrible and need to lay down
9 = Feeling horrible & possibly need to sleep to escape the symptom
10 = laid out, can't function, possibly in the hospital

See what works for you and feel the scale out! Make it your own.

When I Was Happiest

Today while watching Oprah I had an epiphany...The last time I was consistently happy in life was when i was about 12-13. Then i realized that was about a decade ago! What brought about my epiphany was watching the backstreet boys perform again! Yes, I loved them and singing their songs makes me feel like that 13 year old girl again. Now i wasn't that screaming fan who cried whenever they were on tv. I just quietly liked them (especially kevin) and new all the words to all their songs! My depression started in 7th grade along with my migraines and i never addressed the issues until now. I can't help but think i've wasted so much of my youth and the "good old days" people always talk about, being depressed. I have definitely had some happy moments in there that I wouldn't trade for the world but I haven't been consistently happy like that in 10 years! Is it because i was a kid and life was bliss? I don't know, but it was a slap in the face!

If you are depressed, have been depressed, or you know someone who is depressed...this is the book for you!! It is the journey of one boys depression. The author Ned Vizzini has spent time in adult psychiatric hospital and writes about it with great honesty and reality! This is not a book about depression from someone who has never been depressed. It is an authentic look into how we all feel at some point in our depression.

I have not finished the book yet but I can't put it down! I suggest that you read this if you are on your way to a better life and not in the downward spiral. I understand that its hard to recognize where you are, but it might hit too close to home. I have had to take a few deep breathes and reflect on my experiences in the first 50 pages of the book.

I hope you enjoy as much as I am!

My Apologies

I'm so sorry for going off the radar. I've been taking some time-out and focusing on myself. With doing that, I've made great strides in my progress back to health! I'm going to start writing again so stay tuned for my progress and tips of how to be a better you!