Psychology vs. Psychiatry

Here’s something I didn’t know until just recently and hopefully it will help! Psychologists do a lot of talk sessions, but cannot prescribe medications. Psychiatrist can prescribe medications and tend to only prescribe. If you need to talk to someone see a psychologist. However, keep in mind that some Psychiatrists do talk sessions as well it will just cost you a little more, but if it will help you can you put a price on your mental health? I know the answer is yes because these are hard times, but try to be optimistic about it! With the help of both a Psychiatrist & a Psychologist I have come far in just 2 weeks!

Personal Update

So here’s an update…I have basically fired my psychiatrist and went to see my old psychologist today. She is referring me to another psychiatrist that she really likes and I will continue to see my old psychologist for sessions. He along with other people are very concerned about my suicide attempt and am continuing my anti-depressants. I will go into more detail and advice for you guys tomorrow, but today has been a huge step for me and very exhausting!

Will I

This song has moved me from the time i heard it. It is very sad but i feel like it reflects how i feel about my depression so maybe it will affect you too. It comes from the film version of the broadway musical RENT. Here are the lyrics.

Will i lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will i wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?

(repeat 4 more times)

I Was Stopped

So my suicide attempt was thwarted by my boyfriend who lives 400 miles away called my mom & grandma who just got out of the hospital due to kidney failure. They came home and stopped me after taking only 3 days worth of meds. They called the doctor and the docs said that amount wouldn't kill me but i'll just feel bad. Now i am just numb to the world. my grandma has taken over my bedroom, which is very reasonable because she just got out of the hospital and is on a strict diet that needs monitoring. I just really want a place of my own in this dark time. I wish i could yell and scream in my own house if i needed to, but i can't. I have to keep myself composed for her.

I'm so numb right now that i don't even feel like i have my feet on the ground. i can't make the next move for myself and the therapist i would like to see is out of town until next week. What am i suppose to do now? i just feel like sitting there and staring off into space and letting the world swirl around me. What do i do now?

When i figure it out i'll let you know...for the time being please bare with me during this dark time. i will try to get back to positive attitude soon!

The End

Today i give up...i throw in the towel. i am tired of trying to overcome this darkness unsuccessfuly. Its hard enough to go through this but recently my room (my sancuary / dark hole) was taken away from me. i can no longer voice how i feel in my own home so i am left to internalize it completely. This with many other things has lead me to this place that i am now. i plan to overdose on my daily anti-migraine medication. approximately 6X what i take in a normal day. i'm sorry i have failed you and hurt you, but this is a decision i have been making for over 10 years now. i'm only 23 so its about 1/2 my life and i'm just tired. No one is home right now so i will not be caught and by the time someone is home, i will be gone. Thank you for the support you know who you are because this is THE END.

Not So Happy Holidays

As I’m sure you can surmise from the title, this holiday season was not the best. It was a very hard, dark time for me. My suicidal thoughts continue, although they have become less frequent. I usually LOVE the holidays and am one of those annoying people that play Christmas music right after thanks giving and wear a santa hat when I deliver gifts! This year my heart was just very heavy and maybe I’m just ungrateful but I could have skipped the season’s greetings all together. Yes, between my depression & my grandma being in the hospital things were unusually depressing. If your holidays were anything like mine I understand! Lets just try to keep our chin up and keep fighting though it!