Are We Less Significant?

Are our problems any less significant than those with chronic illnesses like cancer? This is an idea I struggled with for many many years. Tonight, my dad made a comment that he was glad my problems were way down here (as he gestured to a foot off the floor) because a friend of my mothers problems where way up here (gesturing to a foot from the ceiling). Yes my mother’s friend is a struggling single parent who’s son is dying of cancer, but it doesn’t make what I am going through any less significant to my life. I felt that way until about 5 years ago when I was talking to a therapist, she validated my feelings and gave me permission to believe my illness and problems were worth concern and some selfishness. So remember we are NOT less significant that those with cancer!

Suicide

Suicide. It’s a dark topic that most people don’t like to discuss, which makes it an important topic to discuss. I have had many thoughts of suicide in my past. I had a plan, I have written letters, I have felt the darkness surround me. I can feel it creeping in now, slowly and steadily with no deviation. For the first time in many years, the subject has flitted through my mind. I don’t think I would actually go through with it, because I’m too scared. However, I contemplate the question, “what’s so good about living?” daily. It seems like all around me is death, divorce, and miserable people that just function on a daily level to survive financially and socially, but not really emotionally. I am a firm believer that suicide is a cowardly way out of this life. I think it doesn’t hurt the person committing suicide, but the family and friends surrounding them. I know my parents would be heartbroken, perhaps to a point of no return. Why would I inflict my depression onto them in such a direct way? So please, if you are considering suicide, take another look at your life. There must be one reason to exist in this world. It could be for a dog who without you wouldn’t have a home, or your grandma who would have outlived you, or for simply your friends and family who love you even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

We All Have Those Days

We all have those days of feeling like we are going to fall off a cliff, but try to remember what's good in your life. i know that sometimes it seems like nothing is good, but if you can find one thing or person thats all you need! So take a couple steps back from the edge to analyze the situation before you do something you can't take back!

Depression Commercials

I don’t understand those commercials on tv for depression medication. They make us out to be so much worse than we actually are. Then when we are at the point that they show on the commercials, you can’t watch them so they do you no good! When I’m at a 7 I can’t watch those so I change the channel or mute the tv until its over! Perhaps they are for the loved ones of the depressed, but when you are that depressed you usually don't listen to people very well. You tend to be self consuming. I know when my parents told me I was depressed again I got very upset! Basically what I’m saying is those commercials are stupid and useless!

Things That May Help

I have tried many things in the past & here are some tips!

Be CREATIVE…whatever that may be! Paint, draw, make a collage, write, film, color in coloring books…whatever just get out there!

Do SOMETHING FOR OTHERS...it will help you realize that the world is bigger than you because sometimes we forget that. Do community service, set up a toy drive, join and organization, make dinner for your family.

WRITE…it’s a good place to get out your feelings & organize your thoughts! No one can judge you here! Spelling and grammar don’t count because no one but you has to read it! It’s also nice to go back later & rationalize things. Try to write positive things as well as what’s bothering you.

TALK…this doesn’t mean you have to see a therapist. You can talk to a friend, family member, whoever as long as you feel safe in confiding to them. It helps to get things off your chest! Bottling things up doesn’t ever work!

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE…even if you have to force yourself. It can be going to the market, getting ice cream with a friend if a dinner to too much, shopping for yourself, just put yourself back into the world in some form!

Do as SELF EVALUATION…to see where you stand with your feelings. I like to base it on a 1 – 10 scale (1 = excellent, 10 = bottom of a dark hole & suicidal!). Everyday, think to yourself, “What # am I today?” If you get to a 7-8 I suggest seeking outside help!

Here’s what I do or have done in the past for each topic!

I love art so I draw, paint and obviously write! It makes me feel better at the end of the day! I volunteer in the summer at numerous cancer camps & have an annual toy drive for Christmas. I blog & journal! I try to be positive in my blog and my journal entries tend to be more dark and depressing, but I get it out of my system that way! I talk to my parents & close friends about my feelings and concerns everyday! I know I’m lucky. I make sure I see my friends once a week at least or if their busy I have fun with my family in some way. For my self evaluation, once I got to a #7 I called a therapist.

I really hope these suggestions work for you & let me know if you have any suggestions for me!!!

Worries

There are many things that worry me. I'm always concerned with finances, school, family, disaster, friends, my health, what food I eat, amount of sleep & what others think of me. These are most, but not all of my worries. Its important for you to remember that I am naturally a worrywart & I do suffer from anxiety, as well as, depression. Now, these are normal concerns for any driven young person, but I tend to over do it! Money and food worries I just use as a scape-goat for bigger problems. Just to clarify I do not have an eating disorder, I'm just conscious of not eating junk food! School is a biggie because after I graduate in the spring I still have to get into grad school & at the moment, thanks to zoloft I'm completely unmotivated to work! I tend to care WAY TOO MUCH what my friends & family think of me. Sleep & my health are the only two real concerns I have & I think when those get out of control is when I really start to compound my anxiety. FOR ALL YOU GIRLS OUT THERE...sorry guys...this seems to get worse around “that time” each month! So remember, worrying is a normal part of life, but keep it in perspective! Try to understand why you are worrying about these things so that you can overcome it! At the moment its a combo of not taking my meds diligently & pms.