What i've done wrong...

Since this has been an ongoing thing for years, I have had a lot of time to make mistakes, but this also means i've had a lot of time to learn from my mistakes. In the past i have run away from my feelings, just blocking them out until they come pouring out in a tidal wave of tears and anger! I have kept it a secret from my friends and family by isolating them from me in every way which just made me feel more alone. I have put on the "good face" for the world, and I'll tell you something, it's exhausting!!! both mentally and physically. I have disguised my depression with other activities, but there always come a breaking point where it doesn't work anymore. I feel myself using this old standby's still. I drown myself in schoolwork, and have become so good at the "good face" i can even fool myself. Now i am just more aware of it. Another thing I find myself doing is taking all my anger and frustration out on my parents. I realize that i do this because i know they will still love me at the end of the day and i will always have their support. Sometimes when i try to not explode on people i do the opposite and hold everything in which isn't good either. It's all about finding a balance and i think i've been doing pretty good there. Now i tell people how i feel before it gets out of control then i am able to tell them nicely and more clearly. If it gets out of hand i know i have certain people in my life who i can turn to when things are really hard. I am so grateful for that !! It is because of these people that i know one day this will be behind me. Thank you everyone.