Family Troubles

I feel like my world is falling apart on me while I'm growing up and out of it. Since I'm planning on making a big move soon for a job and love, i'm worried about my family. I'm worried that my parents won't make it. My dad is quite by nature, but battles with issues of depression himself that he does not address. My mom takes on the weight of the world since she deals with my health issues and my elderly grandmother. Both don't think each other is there for them, and don't want to talk or address it unless the timing is just right. When is the right time to tell someone you are unhappy in your marriage. I've always been afraid of my parents getting a divorce, because I knew it was a possibility and never wanted it for myself. I didn't want to be torn apart during holidays and be even more detached from my father. I said i would pick one and disown the other. When i was still in school i said i would use them for monetary purposes only, but now that I'm older I'm not sure I can do that. I feel like if the big D happens I would want to disown both of them and meld into my friends family. I hate the feeling and it gives me a heavy heart to hear my parents talk about each other so negatively. I'm caught in the middle and I don't have anyone to talk about it with because it's personal private information that my parents wouldn't appreciate if i share with my friends. Since my friends parents are their friends too. So since i can't tell anyone, i'm choosing to tell the world in this somewhat anonymous way. So if anyone has advice for me during this gray period with my family it would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.

After All Is Said and Done

After all the drama of my past post is said and done I feel as though I am stronger. Not that the issues of the past are magically gone or have disappeared, but that i handle them so much better than before. Through all the stress I never thought to hurt myself although I did lash out at others. That is something I'm going to have to work on. It is not fair to those who love me. I can deal with those issues on my own to some extent, but it is always nicer to have someone there holding your hand or rubbing your head. So all in all I'm doing very well. I'm 80% better than i was last year, but I'm still working towards self improvement. My goal at the moment is to forgive those who have wronged me and not hold grudges. It runs in my family and it is up to me to break the cycle. I'm also trying to not be so stubborn which coincides with the grudge thing. I have learned that digging my heels in at times is good and life saving, but I need to let up when people are trying to help. So those are my life lessons for today!

WARNING

So the MIGRAINE MONSTER strikes again! This time it is completely different. I never threw up. I never got overly nauseous. I never lost my comprehension. You might think...great! but now I don't know how to deal with the symptoms I do have. Restless Legs that wake me up at night and keep me up and muscular fatigue. All of which is frustrating and is driving me crazy. My parents can't help and the more they try the more upset i get at them. They just call me a spoiled brat and a martyr. So in response I ignore and dismiss them. And the cycle continues. I just can't deal with their bullshit right now, so I've locked myself in my room and just try and sleep. I'm starting to fear that my depression is coming back, but at least i'm not suicidal...however, my parents think i am. they came in my room and took all my meds out like i'm going to overdose again! don't they realize i've learned my lesson the hard way. Its infuriating because they should know better than to act this way. I know they mean well but talking about how frustrated I am and having to listen to their opinions on the subject don't help it AT ALL! They should know that i come with some baggage and they should just leave me alone!