What Did I Do Now?

So I've got myself in a real pickle this time! I swallowed pills again. This time I took 7 days worth of my migraine meds+ 4 days worth of my anti-depression meds. I just wanted to zone out and sleep. My boyfriend saw me and told my parents i "took pills." My mom freaked and called 9-1-1. The fire ambulance came and took me out on a gurney in the front yard where the whole neighborhood saw! From there they took me to the hospital. I stayed in the hospital for 5 hours or so in ER where they did absolutely nothing but put a cop at my door! The psychiatric examiner didn't listen to a word i said. Such as stuff like, "i wasn't trying to kill myself!" and "i have a good support system." His response was, "You are a harm to yourself." This means they sent me to another hospital where I was placed on a 72 hour psychiatric hold. This means that i'm under surveillance by doctors and nurses to make sure i'm in a good state to not kill myself again. When the doctor thinks your ok you can leave. This could be before or after the 72 hour hold. While you're there you go to group therapy sessions throughout the day. This seems awful at first but i actually did learn a lot about myself and my needs. It was a good thing in the end. I missed my family, i missed my dog, and ultimately i missed good food! I will continue to write about my time on the inside in the following days.

Taking a Few Steps Back

This has been a rough week, as you know from my previous entry. I have recently slipped back into a depression. I didn’t get out of bed for about 5 days and had a few breakdowns. I’m beginning to realize that I haven’t come as far as I thought I had! This upset me the most, because I felt like a failure once again! I’m feeling ok enough to watch those depression commercials, but not well enough to listen to my mom tell me stories of other people who are depressed. I find that I can handle the inspirational as long as it isn’t directly related to depression issues. I can’t bear to hear success stories right now because I don’t feel like I’m out of the woods yet!

Being Uncomfortable

This has been a whirlwind of a week!! I graduated (well i still have 3 classes left), i went out with my friends twice, i was with my boyfriend for 6 days straight, and the family had 2 parties! It was busy, fun, and out of my realm of safety! All these things tend to stress me out in my state of mind! I did not want to walk for graduation, but i'm glad i did and my family was very supportive. I haven't really seen my friends in a party setting for quite some time. I did feel a little uncomfortable and out of the loop, but i knew it was good for me. It was nice to have my boyfriend for support through these uncomfortable situations. Although i am uncomfortable, i realize after that i am improving and able to cope with the situations a lot better than i used to! Baby steps...baby steps!