What i've done wrong...

Since this has been an ongoing thing for years, I have had a lot of time to make mistakes, but this also means i've had a lot of time to learn from my mistakes. In the past i have run away from my feelings, just blocking them out until they come pouring out in a tidal wave of tears and anger! I have kept it a secret from my friends and family by isolating them from me in every way which just made me feel more alone. I have put on the "good face" for the world, and I'll tell you something, it's exhausting!!! both mentally and physically. I have disguised my depression with other activities, but there always come a breaking point where it doesn't work anymore. I feel myself using this old standby's still. I drown myself in schoolwork, and have become so good at the "good face" i can even fool myself. Now i am just more aware of it. Another thing I find myself doing is taking all my anger and frustration out on my parents. I realize that i do this because i know they will still love me at the end of the day and i will always have their support. Sometimes when i try to not explode on people i do the opposite and hold everything in which isn't good either. It's all about finding a balance and i think i've been doing pretty good there. Now i tell people how i feel before it gets out of control then i am able to tell them nicely and more clearly. If it gets out of hand i know i have certain people in my life who i can turn to when things are really hard. I am so grateful for that !! It is because of these people that i know one day this will be behind me. Thank you everyone.

Who is lonely girl?

I am a 23 year old who has battled with depression and anxiety since age 13. I would describe myself as an earthy, artist, type A-ish person. I have struggled with my health for as long as I can remember, dealing with epilepsy as a kid and severe migraines to this day. I always thought that was the cause of my depression. Now, years later I realize it isn’t specifically my health but rather my feeling of losing control. When I felt like I was losing control of my body or life my depression kicked in. This happened when I changed my daily medication that I had been on for years, graduating from high school, and the process of graduating from college. Do you sense a pattern? I do! Now, I believe part of this is due to genetics, because there is a strong history of depression in my family, but that is not going to stop me! I am determined to kick my depression for good, and although I expect for it to creep back into my life from time to time, I will know how to deal with it before it gets worse. So…my own written journey begins with minimal whining and as much inspiration & positivity as possible through this rough time.